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Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

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Annabel's Journal: Coping

Public

Note: this takes place before the meeting and talk with Minfilia.


Dear Dee:

Death....why does death seem to follow power, seem to go side by side it whenever I see it in action? Is that fair to the word, for Power DOES come in many different forms. But as the Echo Dee, I am exposed to power of many different kinds, and nearly every time the road of that power always seems to lead to...death in one form or another.

Why does death seem to fill my mind right now? How could it not with what just happened with that horrible battle against the Sin Eaters. Dee, it was one of the WORST fights I have been in yet; the screams, the terror, the horror of those things consuming people trying to fight, trying to survive.

HOW do people DEAL with seeing stuff like that? HOW do soldiers, fighters, warriors, DEAL with it day in and day out over and over again? It would just drive me mad, and honestly I'm surprised it hasn't. I have a feeling the Echo has had a hand in that, shielding, protecting my mind from it's most harmful effects. But, as all things, it's only partially successful. Nightmares plague my dreams at night, thoughts run through my head of those that I had failed to save. Oh Dee, I KNOW despite my power I can't save everyone, but Damnit, it does not mean I don't FEEL guilty about it!

Do you know HOW many people I saw die yesterday? Do you know HOW many people I saw in pain, crying in fear as those horrible white things ended their life or consumed them? Dee, do you know how many looked to ME for help and I..I...could not save them......

Don't cry Annabel, DON'T cry.......oh DAMN IT.....THERE I go.....AGAIN!.....

Sorry Dee, had to stop to collect myself, it just became too much. The thoughts of what happened just overwhelm me sometimes and I burst into tears. It's ok though, people think I am a bit crazy anyway so they just attribute my emotional outbursts to that. One advantage of having a not so great reputation, yay me.....

You know Dee, I don't know what is worse, the chaos of the actual battle, or seeing the horrible aftermath of it. Seeing the survivors trying to cope, trying to make sense of it all, trying not to go mad with what they have experienced. Lyna, the commander of the Crystarium forces is a good example. She was badly hurt by one of the Sin Eaters but she survived. She tried to say she was ok but....oh Dee, she wasn't, wasn't at all and she collapsed right in front of me and started crying. This woman who is soooo strong, such a determined fighter was overwhelmed and just broke down in despair.....

Dee it was heartbreaking to see her like that. I comforted her the best I could, held her in my arms. She resisted at first, then relented. She needed someone to hold her, to tell her everything was going to be ok, and what better person than the Warrior of Darkness, right? Well it seemed to help, at least it cheered her up some, got her to be somewhat like her old self.

Then the airships came......

Yeah, that's right Dee. Eulmore was NOT done with us yet. Lord Vauthry himself came out to taunt us, spew his propaganda how we were wasting our time resisting. I could see it was having an effect on the ones that were around me. I soooo wish I could have shot those things out of the sky, but my staff's power does not reach that far. So I just watched in silence, seething, wanting to do a serious Bitchy Tirade on him and shut his fat mouth up.

So what now? What is next for the First and the fight for freedom from the Light? Honestly, find another Lightwarden I guess. Not all the realms are free yet and places need to be scouted, leads gotten. The Twins are doing their best, but so far just rumors. The Exarch has called for a meeting of all the Scions to discuss future plans, so I better end this and get over there.

Oh Dee, will anything EVER get better BEFORE it gets worse? It doesn't seem that way does it? Things always seem to escalate into worse things before they improve, and it's as true here as it is in Eorzea.

But that's my job, right, to stop it and make it better. Gee, just call me 'Annabel the Healer'. But instead of healing a person, I am healing the fate of entire realms.

Sigh, if only people would STOP hurting them, then I would be out of work, and that Dee would be a GOOD thing....

Till next time:

Anna


Comments (2)

Mahdi Draaken

Faerie (Aether)

these hands have taken many lives...almost as many as they've protected

Siglinde Skysworn

Sargatanas (Aether)

This just made me think of something: Annabel is a WHM main. So, in addition to the trauma of watching people die in combat, she probably also has to deal with the same regret that people like doctors deal with, which is that you cannot save every patient and sometimes they die despite your best efforts. What's worse, there is no way to heal people who are turned into sin eaters, which we see happen in graphic detail during the battle for Lakeland.
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