Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

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  • 15

For those that want to date gamers only;


Simply this....

People who will only date people who have the same passions as them are doing themselves a disservice. You can have different hobbies as your partner, and you SHOULD because you are, you know, different people.

Things you should look for in a partner include things like compatibility, similar outlooks on major areas of life like children and finances, mutual attraction, tolerance of each others foibles, lack of spite in arguments, etc. Oh yeah, look for someone who you love and who loves you back. That is important too. Enjoying oddly specific hobbies is super low on the list.

This would be like saying "I like to eat sushi a couple times a week. I will only date someone who is passionate about sushi."

And for those that say; "well I know gaming couples that have been together a LONG time and have a great relationship!"

Honey, I guarantee that it ain't their love of gaming that is keeping that relationship strong. It's the fact that they are truly compatible with one another, respect one another, and manage their differences well. The gaming stuff is just a bonus.

See, not ALL my posts have to be long. ;-)

Even though I focused on gaming, this applies to ANY hobby or interest. Don't be so fixated on it in a qualification.

(Oh, and credit for that first paragraph goes to 15 Keys at Boardgamegeek. If you ever see this, thank you for that post, it was well written.)
Comments (15)

Kupo Warkson

Siren (Aether)

The only blog on the Lodestone about relationships that doesn't sound like it was written by a teenager.

Graysun Miya

Moogle (Chaos)


Sigurd De-mizar

Phoenix (Light)

So now you also give relationship advice?

For those whose life is basically sleep, work and game, maybe they just don't have a different hobby. Or maybe some just don't think seriously on what constitute a "life long" relationship. Afterall, "death do us part" ends when one side stopped want to play along.

Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

LOL Kupo, Considering that I am older than about 96% of the people on here, that is true. I believe it's called life experience and wisdom. ;-)

What Sigurd, surprised? I have been doing stuff like this for YEARS! ;-) My post on the FF14 forum marriage thread and calling them out got MANY positive responses. LOL

I really should have added it's not just gaming, this can be applied to any hobby. It pretty much boils down to 'shallow reasons equal a shallow relationship, look for better ones.'

Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

Also, as I have mentioned on another post long ago. I HAD the gamer and was not happy. It turned out that it was not all that I thought it would be and broke up. Even though they loved to game, there was too little or none of the other stuff I was looking for in a relationship.

I ended up marrying someone who does NOT game but meets the most important qualifications.

Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

Also, I don't really fault young people for thinking what they think about dating. I was young once, I remember how it was and the mistakes I made. I am just trying to make them see and think differently.

It takes time, experience, and many dating failures to learn what you really want and how to go about getting it.

Only a few get lucky and marry their childhood sweethearts; the rest date and fail with many people to find the one that really works for them

Hi Panda

Gilgamesh (Aether)

My wife hates games… 16 years strong. I do wish at times she enjoyed FF but on the flip side it’s nice to have my own thing.

Sugar Puff

Siren (Aether)

A person's hobbies can change and evolve over time, too. I think having shared interests is more important for some people than others, but you want a partner who recognizes THAT and is open to trying new (or for that matter old) things together. Sure, they might be a gamer or whatever from the beginning but it's really the mindset that matters. Over time you'll find hobbies to enjoy together, if that's what you both want.

Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

Yes Sugar, having shared hobbies can be nice. One hears of couples meeting because of something they both loved doing often. But although they met thanks to the hobby, it was most likely other qualities that kept them together over the years.

This is why you see the things you see about people meeting in FF14 or other online games and failing. The love of the hobby brought them together, but there was nothing there to KEEP them together. ;-)

Yuki Kuroi

Goblin (Crystal)

Just my personal thought. People we see in video game is a cartoon character. And tbh, every cartoon character in FF is rather good looking. I saw my ex guild mate post his picture on lodestone or discord he was handsome. Then I stalk his social media he doesn’t look like what he posted . He was super different. I also met a guy from ffxiv, I thought I could fall for him. But looking at his real life, no matter how hard I try, he is just not my type. Even if I try to force like him, I just can’t

Yuki Kuroi

Goblin (Crystal)

My new classmate also tried long distance online dating between nations.. She dated american via dating website called OKcupid. I suggest her try to date someone you can *actually* meet in person than someone who is mile and mile away. So you can 100% sure you like him because of his reality not because of what you fantasize about him. At least that what I advised to her.

Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

Ah yes, the classic false internet identity. ;-)

It is soooo easy to fool people if you are good at it, make yourself someone you are not. People need to be vigilant about this, especially if they are pursuing a romantic thing.

Also this blame can fall on the other person, assuming a person is something they are not, a fantasy they have created in their heads as they make the person they like into something they are really not. Finally meeting them in real life tends to destroy the fantasy.

Les Gogh

Coeurl (Crystal)

They got life advice on the Lodestone now??

Annabel Ashcroft

Faerie (Aether)

I see you are new Les, yes, they have had advice blogs here for YEARS. There are a lot more things here than just stuff on FF14. ;-)

Back in the golden age of the Lodestone there were lots of people writing blogs like that. Sadly, most of them have moved on to other things and abandoned this place.

I still do it from time to time to help people younger than me with the confusing things in life from the prospective and experience of someone who went through and learned from them.

Miranda Madison

Twintania (Light)

Turning 40 this year I've decided LDRs aren't for me anymore. I married a woman from across the Atlantic for 3 years and it ended 2 yrs ago. She wasn't a gamer either, but a knitter.
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