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T'alitha Koum

Under the Moonlight

Louisoix (Chaos)

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[FanFiction] Falling Out With Hydaelyn

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Note: This is written at the early-ish stage of ShadowBringers, I am still only a few Lightwardens in (my first run on ShadowBringers) so I don't know how factual this is. But it is my character's feelings on the matter regardless. But because this is ShadowBringers if you haven't played it, there will be minor spoilers.
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Falling Out With Hydaelyn

It had started a very long time ago, well before the Imperials had fired on their own during the campaign to retake Ala Mhigo. Recent events had only served to reinforce her viewpoint. Since facing down the so-called Warriors of Darkness, only to discover they sought balance and not destruction, Hydaelyn had been silent. Maybe she knew what was going on in the heart of the Miqo’te; maybe she was just storing up her energy for when the Ascians got their way and ushered in another Calamity. The girl sighed and realised that she no longer cared. Silence from the Mother Crystal had come as something of a relief.

Maybe if something finally kills me, Eorzea will realise they cannot rely on any one person if they want to survive. It would be a worthwhile sacrifice if they learned from it.

If.

How Different Is It?
Since being first introduced to the Mother Crystal seemingly years ago, and being sent to "eliminate darkness", the Miqo’te, known as Ali, had killed in the name of Freedom and Light. Hyur, her own kind, creatures, beast tribe members, Primals, the odd Ascian here or there, Elezan and even Lalafells. She never used to be this angry - once she was a soft-spoken but tough Miqo'te who used her strength to help ordinary people who couldn't defend themselves. Since then her life had been a rampaging slaughter bringing chaos wherever she went.

Exactly what we criticise the Ascians for, the girl thought ruefully, how many “criminals” did I kill, leaving families broken and children without parents? And for what?

More war. That’s what. Fighting breeds fighting.

Not that surrender is an option either, really, she thought, you still end up fighting, it just looks different.

The last few years had been a cycle of impossible decisions, conflicting voices and no-win situations.

Whose Mind Is It?
The other thing that was beginning to peeve her was that she had no control of her own mind anymore. Over the last few years, she had either been summoned by Hydaelyn, dragged into a void, encouraged to jump into the Void, heard voices in her head and more. And, although she didn’t hold it against the Crystal Exarch now, his methods had been too invasive and she had been dragged into the First without knowing who was calling, or why. He had apologised, kind of.

The first being to do so, to his credit, Ali realised, but if he had just explained in the few seconds he had, I might have come more willingly.

Too Much of a Good Thing

But now, here in the First, or what remained of it, she had to admit that the "Warriors of Darkness" had a point. Too much of something, even something that starts good, can be overwhelming.

Ali looked into the bright sky, glad she had bought some shades from the Crystarium before venturing back out.

"Hydaelyn, you have gone too far," the Miqo’te whispered, “and you have used me as everyone has. Whether you caused this, or it’s just a chain reaction, I have been part of the problem, not the solution.”

Was darkness innately evil? And was all evil done in the darkness? Neither was true and yet she was not happy to be referred to as a Warrior of Darkness either. More conflict, only this one was internal.

One thing is certain, Ali thought, if it can cause this much destruction, sorrow and suffering, I never want to be called a Warrior of Light again.

Eorzea had, she decided, had too much of a good thing - too much of her. She had not been the goody-two-paws she had acted out in Eorzea for the last few months. She just needed to play the part while she figured out who she was. Yes, eventually, she’d get flung back, unwillingly, to The Source. But whether seconds or years had actually passed on that star - she was not the same Miqo’te as the one who had departed.

Ali smirked to herself and her tail flicked with anticipation.

They won’t be expecting this, she thought, From now on, I will fight for my own survival, for my own rights. I will fight for me.
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