Peter Spak

Balmung (Crystal)

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ffxiv day 7 my sweet Jarenko

it started off with me being on me cliff, or outside a club i cant remember, honestly.
i then went treasure hunting with nibonshi and it was fun we drove around in a car, and she later gave me boots they were awesome and went to the gold saucer. it was fun.

i went around did my usual stuff around clubs and the HIGHLIGHT OF THE DAY well well well, it was interesting

BTW I HAVE ACUTAL SCREENSHOTS OF THE WHOLE CONVO, just incase if i need to use it as evidence for something. so the convo i wrote you gonna see later in this chat, with me and jarenko is copyied from the screenshots i have stored. ok back to the topic

it was at fairy tail, it was closing up and i walked in and i expected just to see nothing no staff, but i saw MY SWEET JARENKO, i was excited and i went up to him on purpose and i typed in chat "jarenkooooooooooo"

like imagine kratos from god of war shouting ZEUSSSSSS, it was kinda like that,

i approached him and said my phrase of words, you are worthy in life even when you think you aren't. my heart was pounding at a very fast rate, for some reason.

he then said lets be friends, i then told him, "jarenko my sweet i want to thank you for the hatred you feel for me, it gives me motivation and gives me even more happiness with my purpose to spread hope" and then he says "bite me"

i then left saying goodbye my sweet jarenko.

then later on he friend requested me, which was unexpected. i was like OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH. oh the dopamine overdose i was feeling. was blissful, when he did. i then wondererd what will happen if i accept the friend request, so i did and heres how it went down

Me "Gasp jarenkooooo i had no idea you felt this way about me,

jarenko "it'll make it easier for me to track you down for when i need to"

me "Oh really? i have a stalker now SWEET"

jarenko " just a observer behave"

me "btw everything i said about you, is true you are a treat and also sorry my sweet jarenkooooo this relationship is not ment to be"

Jarenko " i dont want you, you are gross"

ok now at this point i realise this is my chance to get a better understanding of jarenko, to empathize him. i can maybe help him with my insight on to what ever problem he has, because to me i can tell the hatred might come from some bad memory or childhood maybe, or its just pure jealous. btw i know you cant please everyone in life, i cant be liked by everyone in life, which is true and thats helped me a lot to realise that when i was young. so now time to do my thing

me " you know im curious, like a legit serious question"

jarenko "why are you exhasuted, then ask"

me "im honestly fascinatined by your mind, like is the hatred for me deeper then that. is it insecurity, is it because im something your not?"

jarenko "no its genuine disdain. you are many things i am not"

me "do you want help?"

jarenko "with?"

me "because i feel like theres somthing troubling you deeply, maybe i can give my insight on it, theres nothing wrong with seeking help"

jarenko "what help do you think i need exactly? hmm?"

me " i do not know, wat do you think do you think you need, wat problem has been troubling you?"

jarenko " you are odd and creepy and deceitful and it makes me angry to see you tell people lies to make them feel batter, or more likey to feel yourself feel better"

me " hmmmmm interesting so me telling people stuff like "you are worthy in life even when you think you aren't" is decitful and selfish? how extaclty and wat do you think i gain from it. profit? attention?"

jarenko "a sense of self worth, the reputation as a "cheer spreader" and positive attention, you're a predator you know the bulk of these people here are losers withdrawing into a fantasy and you're feeding off the fears and insecurities"

and now at this point im like thinking hmm so he sees me as a guy who is gaining power or some shit from the fears and insecurities of others, im not gonna lie i pictured a super villan absorbing power from them like "YESSSS THE POWER IS INVINCABLE YEAHHHHH" some weird shit well he is kinda right about the sense of self worth part, i did chose to do this becasue i gave myself the purpose to do it, go around telling people wholesome things, and giving them advice to help solve their problems. ok back to thge topic

me "i did not ask for the reputation"

honestly i did not, {it just kinda came naturally from my actions, i still find it weird that i got notieced by a bunch of people for me spreading hope to others}, okay back to the topic

jarenko " im sure you know what your getting into"

me "i do it because some people need 2 hear it"

jarenko " no thats not it"

me "is this what its about attention?, your upset that im getting attention from others"

jarenko "im angry you tell them lies to obtain it"

me " why do you consider them lies?"

jarenko " because you have no idea if their worthy or not"

and now im like damn he do have a good point,

me "you know that i legit get nothing from my rep and the attetion from others, like i dont get anything to help irl, i go around telling them wholesome things because i like 2, and also your right, i thought about that since i started my hope spreading, i think some times, i hope to god the person i said is worthy in life is not a bad person, but i still do it ether way. i will never know if there good or bad, you can never truly know a person, and you have a legit good point. so is that acutally the whole reason you hate me, because i could possbily tell a bad person that they are worthy. if so that legit make sense"

im like hmmmmm that reassured me at least,

jarenko" the POINT is i cant say your a good person or a bad person because i dont know so what good is the word, i could be handling out turkeys to the homless tomorrow or cutting someones head off, you dont know enough about me to state it, if you knew me better and said i think your a good person it might mean somthing but they are just empty words being desperately grasped by lonely insecure people. YOU'RE A MONSTER PETER.

me " thanks for the interesting learning experience but i hope good things come to you jarenko, i feel like i learend a bit more about you, even tho you hate the fuk out of me thanks for the talk, it made me learn a bit more about myself, honestly this chat helped, bye jarenko, you are worthy in life even when you think you aren't tee hee bye sweet jarenko"

then i removed him from my friends list. i was amazed and happy at humbled oddly of what happened.

i see where he is coming from, there are bad people who take advantage of others fears and insecurities for their gain and profit, which is pretty fucked up. but i dont do that shit,

i can never bring myself to do that shit at all.

but this is also a reassuring lesson that no matter how good you are, theres always gonna be someone that will no doubt hate you,

like example jesus he was the son of god, a pure man, he was crucified, okay, even tho so many loved him and knew he was good, there was always one person who hated him.

also from this talk i can tell jarenko saw himself as the hero in his eyes and mind, just like how i saw myself as the hero in my eyes and mind. everyone sees themselves as the good guy in their eyes. even really fucking bad people see themselves as the good guy, no matter how good you are you will always be seen as the bad guy in someone's story.

btw after the talk with jarenko i remembered our first encounter in edens garden, i rememebr the things he said that i pretty sure were hypocritical and contradictory.

im kinda too lazy to write down the thing he said that day, you can just find them in my ffxiv memorable experiences blog.

im honored im seen as a monster in his eyes.

and also the thing he said" you dont know a person to state if their good or not" that made me think well then should doctors, get to know their patients before saving their life from a sickness or injury.

also again my online reputation does't give me power or some shit its just attetion thats all, i mean its nice to known in game by others, but does it benefit me irl no, it dont. but its still nice, i dont do this shit for pride, i do it because for the sake of helping others and spreading hope. and when you eventually get noticed for that you are gonna have some haters, and jarenko is a good example of one of them.

but it also dont mean the time i had with others in game was worthless, no it gave me nice memory's with others i enjoyed the time i spent, like nibonshi and other people. the bonds i made, and me giving people my wisdom to help their problems themselves, am i getting off topic i think i am.

once again this is a lesson that no matter how good of a person you are, theres always one person who will hate you, and im fine with that. to me it means progress in a weird way, picture this your playing a video game and your on a boss fight, and now picture the people who hate you as the video game bosses, how you handle the boss makes you stronger

this was a VERY INTERESTING ENCOUNTER, i always wanted to learn a bit more about jarenko, fascisnated by his mind, now i learned a bit more. and this talk benefited me in a humble way. but i shall keep spreading hope and give advice to others for their problems, not for pride or selfish gain, i do it to make a small difference in others lives, to use what i learned to help others so they help themselves. it makes me happy to know others are happy.

this encoutner today reminded me of the time i thought i wonder what wisdom jarenko would give, now to the present and this talk with him, reminded me that you can never truly know a person at all, even if they seem good or do good things, you will never know that they are truly thinking, thank you jarenko for this sweet encounter

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