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Canal Raider

Ember Cinder

Faerie (Aether)

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To Balmung and Back Again

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My journey to Balmung began when my boyfriend wanted us to have characters to roleplay with. I'd been on Balmung on my character before transferring to Faerie, and while I did not participate in much RP, I knew it as the dedicated RP server.

I had an alt I didn't really play on Balmung already, while my boyfriend transferred his main from Faerie. I kept mine on Faerie, I have too many friends there I didn't want to leave.

Part of my boyfriend's idea was for us to go as siblings we had played in a D&D campaign. I usually don't play male characters, but I had built a midlander that I liked, so I rolled with it.

The first couple weeks, my duty was to find an FC. I was also charged with becoming more familiar with RPing in a video game. Eventually I saw a shout advertising a Linkshell dedicated to new players learning to RP, so I jumped in, which led to an FC invite. I posted some inquiries, and some players suggested I watch some RP in the Quicksand.

For those unfamiliar, the Quicksand on Balmung has a bit of noteriety for its ERP scene, but there are players who do use it for more conventional RP, so I go in to idle, throwing up a bee's knees so I can look at players without giving it away.

Long story short (too late) I got involved in the ERP scene. There was some fun and excitement to it, like using a dating app for hookups. But also like random hookup, I was left feeling lonely. I decided to just keep it to a few friends I had made, who actually talked to me and weren't just on some low level alt looking to *ahem*.

It was like dating all over again. Having a good time with someone, being ghosted by them, then hearing from them again out of the blue. It reminded me of how fortunate I am to have my RL boyfriend, and it wore me out that the game I was playing was giving me the same stress and need for validation that actual dating put me through.

I'd collected three relics and Castrum LL on my Balmung alt and was feeling even worse, knowing that my main on Faerie was only rank 5 with no relic progress. The stress and anxiety over virtual "dating" actually gave me a panic attack, so I decided I needed to get off Balmung.

I had enjoyed playing as my Balmung character and had two fantasias sitting on my main, so I decided to see if giving Ember my alt's appearance would reignite some interest in playing on Ember, and it did!

So here I am, back on Faerie, really enjoying playing with friends again. There is still some occasional flirting between my character and other players', but I have a strong foundation laid of friends and people who care about me as a person as much as I care about them <3

Thanks for reading.
Comments (6)

Esper Eidolon

Diabolos (Crystal)

Dun let a game set you into a panic attack nono. Is not that important.

Ember Cinder

Faerie (Aether)

It was accumulative. My RL boyfriend was in the hospital with covid too, so I was mentally drained already.

Esper Eidolon

Diabolos (Crystal)

Yeah :( well we are happy you are home with yus yus

Lolo Menehune

Siren (Aether)

Hope your BF is doing better!

Ember Cinder

Faerie (Aether)

He is Lolo, thank you!

Mahdi Draaken

Faerie (Aether)

we love ya of course!
dont you ever leave..
i will fiiiind yoooou XD
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