Character

I don’t know how to write this.

I’ve been sitting here for… I don’t even know how long. The page has stayed empty. The words won’t come. Or maybe they do… and I just don’t want them to be real.

If I don’t write it… then maybe it didn’t happen.

…That’s foolish.

I know it is.

We made it to the top.

We fought through everything they threw at us—knights, steel, faith twisted into something unrecognizable. We climbed higher and higher, each step heavier than the last, but we didn’t stop. We couldn’t. Not with what was waiting at the top.

Not with him waiting.

I remember thinking… just a little further. Just a little longer. We’ll reach him. We’ll fix this.

We always do.

…We didn’t.

It happened so fast.

One moment we were standing together, fighting side by side like we always had. Like nothing could break us. And then—

—I can still see it.

I can still hear it.

I keep replaying it over and over in my mind like if I just look closer, I’ll find the moment I could have changed it. The moment I should have moved faster, or cast sooner, or done something.

Anything.

But there isn’t one.

There’s just… the end.

And the way he looked at us.

At me.

There was no fear. No regret.

Just… peace.

How could he look so calm?

How could he smile like that… after—

…

I can’t write that part.

I won’t.

Not yet.

We carried him down.

I don’t remember how. I don’t remember the steps, or the people we passed, or the sounds around us. It all feels… distant. Like I wasn’t really there. Like I was watching someone else’s life unfold from far away.

Everything feels quieter now.

Not peaceful.

Just… empty.

The others are hurting too. I can see it. In the silence. In the way no one quite meets each other’s eyes for too long. In the way his absence fills every space he once stood in.

And I don’t know what to do with that.

I’ve lost people before.

But not like this.

Not someone who stood beside me. Who believed in us. Who—

…

I keep thinking I’ll hear his voice again.

That he’ll walk in like nothing happened and tell us we’re being ridiculous.

He won’t.

I know he won’t.

But I don’t think that part of me has caught up yet.

I don’t think it wants to.

They say we have to keep moving.

That there’s still truth to uncover. Still a war to end.

I know they’re right.

But for the first time since I started this journey…

I don’t feel ready.

And I don’t know if I will be.

…

I’m going to close this now.

I can’t—

I just can’t.

—T’sava Embervine