Character

One month ago, I prolonged my stay for friends who returned.

Two months ago, I was stuck at AS4 Manipulator for too long.

Three months ago, I started to lose heart in people and the heart to raid.

Four months ago, was AS3 PUG frustration.

Five months ago, was excitement-- perhaps too much.


It is time, to take a break. To step away and just let go. I don't have any more lingering attachments that I am aware of- dear friends are connected in other ways outside of Eorzea... and no more Personal House ticking timer as an anchor, (it was lucky I did sell it. Apparently only home owner can refresh the timer!?)

My (current) GMT+13 timezone is not good. I enjoy playing with friends here and there but we are all over the world.. but for raiding as a different matter, it is oft a difficulty in finding people of the same skill, caliber, and mind set. PUG life can only take me so far- but "general raid time" is very late, too late, into the night. For a the entirety of this round of Alexander Savage raid, four coming five months- I have been on and off awake late into 3-6ams (flexible work and health permitting). I can no longer do such times, and a break is now too long overdue-- last month, I put all Alexander Savage behind and haven't entered since. It feels weird, and painful to resist the allure of raiding.. but it's for the long term best.

Sadness is that while I don't have any real loose ends in regards (timer things), there are some duty completions I have yet to bring about-- as well as minion/mount collection; damn I hate farming. With raid (or any instance) setting, I guess I'm a bit (maybe a lot to very) prideful in knowing my ability and skill, and it burns when I cannot find people enough to bring about task completion. It's a bit soul crushing I guess? to be the last one standing to mechanics, to see people in the party ping-pong about to mechanics and instance fails. Too many times I have seen it happen.. and it's too hard to take anymore. I am too weary now.

Let go, I must. I'm tired and have no wish to prolong rest anymore. I have meet many people and that has been a journey of itself- hmm.. reinforcement that how I see myself is definitely not how others see me. I like to be all around like-able, (haha..) my super closet introvert does need people at times, though I am not a true friend to most sadly- Sorry, it's not that I don't consider such persons as non-friends, it's just that my personal "friending" is very basic? I don't know how to be a friend, but in my own way. hmm.. sometimes I feel that it miffs quite a few people? Forget introvert, I'm a closet hermit.


Thank you everyone, whom I have crossed paths with; to the friendships that have blossomed, for putting up with my randomness, antics, and adventures. Thank you for a wonderful experience. Though while there were sorrows here and there.. it's only natural too. We are all our own persons and while we seek those who are most compatible, we cannot always see eye to eye, I guess. So apologies to those I rub the wrong way too.

I don't know when but some day, I will probably return. I love this world, but it has worn me down.. or maybe in a way, I'm feeling lonely too because my partner has moved on? But until then, everyone please do take care and I hope to see familiar faces when I return.