Character
Sigh, that forum 'marriage' thread.
Public
This is not really a 'rant', more like an observation and some Annabel advice. For you Annabel rant lovers out there, I actually want to put something out soon if I can get around to doing it. It's been a while since I have put out a good one. LOL.
I don't know how many of you ACTUALLY look at that forum 'marriage' thread, for all you new people, the one that allows people to find other people who are interested in fake game marriages. (In fact, DON'T look! Stay FAR away from the forums in general, they are EVIL!) But honestly, the more I look at it out of both work boredom and morbid curiosity, the more I think some people on there are REALLY delusional.
Now I am talking about the men who post on there, ie: real life males who nearly always, (but not ALL of them), ask for....
A. the other person to be a real life female.
B. open to the possibility of a real life relationship if things go well.
C. ERP with said RL female :O (Ok, THIS one not so much, but some DO mention it!)
Now I DO know that real life relationships can develop from people meeting in a MMORPG, I have met a few RL couples in my time of playing that had met in a game. So those male requests are not beyond the realm of possibility. (surprisingly, not even the ERP one because there are some females out there who are VERY into it.)
But people, sigh, people. THINK for a minute. Do you REALLY think a real life girl/woman/ whatever, is going to see that little ad request that you wrote and think, "wow, cool, a male gamer looking for a game partner AND real life relationship. Let me respond to him RIGHT away so I can be hit on every moment I am online with said person, yay!"
Honey, sweetie-pie, person who is obviously not too experienced with the opposite sex. Do you know how OFTEN women who expose themselves as women are HIT on online? Do you know how EASY it is for them to find men like you in games like this? let me give you a hint......VERY!!!
It also does not help that those males who post those ads all pretty much sound the same. "I LOVE anime, play lots and lots of video games, spend a LOT of time playing FF14, want to find someone to make an in game connection, and hopefully a possible RL connection too. You get the gist, different ways of saying the stuff, but they hit all the same points when you read the various ads.
Now, I know there are actually a lot of RL women who play online games. I also know that there are many RL women who don't WANT to reveal themselves as RL women for the simple reason of being hit on in some way. They hide themselves as male characters or say nothing of their real life selves to people who ask them if they are women if they happen to play female characters. Those they say they ARE female tend to usually be in relationships already, so can easily dissuade anyone who does try to hit on them.
Also, if you look at the real life women who post on that thread, most of them specifically say, NOT looking for any kind of RL relationship, or I am in a relationship already and am not looking for anything other than game friendship. Sure, there are a very few open to the possibility of something, but they tend to be very rare in that thread and I can imagine get a TON of requests.
So what can the poor geek guy and game lover DO to find one of those game 'love connections'? Um, I know this is kind of silly to say, but don't try so hard to MAKE it happen? Just like in real life, trying to make a relationship happen in a MMO simply does NOT work. Good friendships/relationships happen unexpectedly by being in the right place at the right time and taking the initiative when an opportunity happens. Note, this is NOT the same as 'making' it happen. You are tentatively getting to know someone you have met and find interesting; becoming friends and getting to know them better. If a possibility is there it will reveal itself in time. Never force it, it only leads to bad things.
I know you don't want to hear this, but a lot of dating is failure, plain and simple. Both men and women tend to fail many, many times before true success happens and that is OK! It is HARD to fully connect with someone and a LOT of the whole process is trial and error, doing the wrong thing and learning from your mistakes. Few people get lucky and have an easy time of finding the 'one', some meet 20, 40, 60, and even over 100 people before finding that 'right' person.
Sorry guys, the 'instant luck' falling in love together easily thing happens only in fiction. Real life people WORK for their relationship.
Well said.
To play devils advocate here and there is a lot to unpack; For me personally considering from what I understand (at least from last time i checked unless it have been changed) marriage in game tend to cost real world money and is permanent; and so people wanting to have it with 'someone special' is understandable; personally I wouldnt use the feature period unless it was with someone I was with in real life and had brought into the game...
...As for dating in MMO's frankly? people don't really have a choice nowadays. The Dating pool in the real world online or offline is so toxic, paranoid, and demanding that it really is no surprise people are seeking those with common interests. Meeting in real life like in the old days is not really an option anymore for many people due to the threat of being accused of things or just being ghosted. So people meet online, MMO's are oddly the safest current platform for people to just be people
Rand, I see you are a new player so I will tell you about the marriage.
The marriage itself is completely FREE to experience it and get the teleportation rings.
With the paid tiers you get personal goodies, nicer outfits, and fancier ceremony options. Oh, each pays separately unless one foots the bill for both. Hint: DON'T do this!!!
it's also NOT permanent, so you can get divorced if you and the other person have a falling out and do it all over again with someone else.
As for meeting someone, I have done it both online and in real life and let me tell you, real life is FAR superior!
Sure you got MORE choices but more does NOT mean 'better'
Online has the problem with anonymity and outright lying. People can say whatever they want about themselves and act totally fake, and you have NO way of knowing if what you see and hear is TRUE.
At least with RL, you can see the person and know their true sex, age, and appearance, plus get an idea of who they are.
I will say though, you are right about the way it is now with the virus. I feel really sorry for people trying to date and meet someone right now. Online really is the main option currently, which really kind of sucks.
You got to be REALLY careful you are not taken in and fooled by those who types and talks nice words. Sure you got video chat, but honestly, it's a poor substitute for face to face interaction.
Plus the reality of meeting often does NOT meet the fantasy expectations.
Rather than find someone in game to love in real life, I used a dating app to find someone in real life who plays ffxiv (and shares a lot of other interests with me)
Well strictly speaking I've been playing the game on and off since like 2016
and that sounds like they changed it because the last time I looked into it, it was not free. but that's good, and the divorce was not an option at the time which was a big complaint at the time.
As for meeting people regardless of the Virus it is very hard now especially for young men. All anyone ever hears from people now is how there is no one out there and dating sites are fairly worthless.
All I ever hear from young people is how they can't find anyone.
Doesn't effect me either way, I'm too old for that non-sense anymore.
Really Rand? That's interesting. I did not know it used to not be free and permanent.
I did it 3 years ago and it was free then if you chose, I don't know when they put in the divorce thing.
Yeah, I hear you man, I am soooo glad I am married and all that dating stuff is mostly a bad memory. LOL
That's a good way to do it Bear, look for the matching interests OTHER than just a game. Though opposites DO attract! BOY do I know that! ;-)
lol nah its more I am literally too old. I am an old old man. I pre-date the internet. still have an 8track in my room and a working record player. Dating is just not something I do.
Honey, you can't be much older than me, I am 53!
Though saying you have an 8 track REALLY dates you. ;-)
Man I remember those when I was a kid.
Yeah , I remember the pre internet days. Honestly, I think they were BETTER. kids went out, got together and DID things around the neighborhood.
Nowadays, (well before the virus), when was the last time you actually saw kids play outside?
Yesterday actually, my nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews are staying here; I live on an island (it's safe here no virus or any of that mess) I swear I don't remember ever having that much energy.
as for 8track..... *coughs* Wild Cherry for the win :D
I’m sorry but... Where I’m sure their may be some incredibly desperate people out there, this doesn’t really bold well for a relationship.
If you want to start out by maybe dating online together then fine but don’t go backwards and start with the marriage x_X
This comment has been deleted.
This comment has been deleted.
I guess you missed my post (There's an old saying)
"When a young person asks an old couple how did they stay together for so long"
"The old couple replied.. when things break down we fixed it. We didn't throw it away."
🥱..you totally missed it..🤷♂️
Or maybe🤔.. it wasn't interesting coming from an "EdgeLord" 🤷♂️
So umm ...Anna....I play games and things...and Umm..I was wondering if you ..umm..wanted maybe umm...you know. You're blond and stuff, and I'm sure you're blond like your character in real life..so Umm yea.
ShOuLD wE GeT BonDed aNd STufF?? I'll treat you right..lavish you with eggplants and HQeggs.
Interesting topic tho, makes me feel sorry for those that become invested into the scenario.
I’m so glad I haven’t discovered the forums. This sounds absolutely horrid. I think a lot of gaming guys forget that a relationship isn’t a fairy tale. Years of marriage is about balance, working together, and making things work. You are bound to fail if you start a fantasy and end in reality.
This character has been deleted.
Anna is way to bitchy Lolo you don't want to go there >.> LOLOLOLOL. *j/k* of course.
Anyways with that said I feel sorry for girls in this game. Me and my bestie in game have been good friends for two years. At times we act like we have a interest in each other just to help keep the desperate men off her back. It's really sad, I'm one of the only people who has been her friend just to be her friend with no strings attached. Most men just want more.
Oh Esper, you kill me, ;p it's funny because it's true! LOL
The whole marriage should be reserved for people you are either
A. good friends in the game with. (Aria and I)
B. in a relationship with someone else who plays.
C. Yeah, I know, just get the goodies and divorce. ;p
That thread is misnamed. It should be, 'someone to be friends with and a potential game marriage partner." ;-)
"When a young person asks an old couple how did they stay together for so long"
"The old couple replied.. when things break down we fixed it. We didn't throw it away."
Love that Azrael! Sooooo many just don't want to TRY to fix or repair, they don't think it's worth the effort. they rather just quit, give up, and start over.
People, relationships are first and foremost WORK, and some of the hardest you will ever do in your life if you choose to get involved in it.
But Lolo honey, you are a Lala.....a LALA! I....I just don't know. I mean you are short and......ok, FINE,....CUTER than me. I cannot accept that! ;p
But seriously hun, God, you hear the stories and see the blogs of those who DO 'invest' too much in someone in the game; hoping something will happen and getting soooo disillusioned when their dreams are not met.
Yes Erick, see my previous blogs on forums subjects. They are a bad, BAD place of bitchiness, complaining, and unrealistic expectations. But it's like a train wreck, I can't stay away! :O
Seriously, anyone who visits would come away that the game is broken beyond ALL measure and there is NO hope for it! ;p
I don't call them Rapid Forum Fans for nothing. ;-)
That threat is not ALL bad. Some DO just use it to look for friends to play with without any real expectations.
Oh WOW Delete, you WENT there!
I am NOT that bitchy, only when I DON'T get my way! ;-)
and Aria's ALMOST got me tamed.....well kinda, sorta. gifts work wonders! ;p
SEE, THIS is what I meant! (shudder)
Some men, especially the socially challenged ones with little experience in the opposite sex, just try TOO hard and come off as creepy or needy.
I have been hit on too, but they tend to use interest when they learn I am older than their mother. LOL
Oh people! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I am so THRILLED that this blog has gotten so many comments, it's almost like the old days,
Yay, discussion!
Definitely very embarrassing to be a Male playing in this game. Because of experiences given to women🤦♂️. Relationships develop on their own faster if you don't try to evoke it. Men.. just be chill.. be yourself. Show signs of maturity and patience. Share interests and compassion for her hobbies. If you want a queen?? NEVER TREAT HER anything less! Don't indicate over interested. Give her freedom! Even if she doesn't choose you! Yes.. it hurts.. but that's a man's job! Taking pain!
Trust me... 🙏 15 years DOES NOT come easy 😅. But in the end... I want.. what we use to see.. what all or most of our grandparents had. That best friend! All those memories! Laughter.. sadness.. THAT builds bonds! EXP! 🤣
Seriously though.. even for us soldiers.. we are no longer friends.. we become brothers and sisters. Because we shared experiences no one seen.. no one can understand! Relationships are designed the same way.
Omg yeah those dudes obviously have never talked to an actual woman who games, or else they'd know all about the sexual harassment and stalking... For them it's just like "I'm looking for love uwu", they don't think that the women on the other side are doing intricate calculus to try to stay safe and still enjoy gaming.
I've actually dated a bloke I met on FFXIV, so I guess finding love through games is possible. He turned out to be a certified nightmare but that's neither here nor there.
"they don't think that the women on the other side are doing intricate calculus to try to stay safe and still enjoy gaming."
OMG, sooooo true! LOL THAT is why many play male or some kind of non-female characters.
Certified nightmare? :O Honey! Did he fool you THAT much to have had dated him?
Haha! That's the thing when you meet people online, you reallyyy don't know anything about them at first. The guy in question had, um, layers. And each one was worse than the previous one.
I would have bailed, honestly, but he ghosted me first. Gotta love when the bullets dodge themselves.
LOL, see my comment where I say, real life meeting is FAR superior than online meeting.
You would have SPOTTED this! ;-)
Ugh, Thank God for small favors! "Yay, he ISN'T interested in me, I THINK I will get over it!" LOL
Please don't think its only men who have the problem, this game especially is loaded with creepy desperate socially awkward women who clearly either know nothing real about men or use board sweeping generalization which are normally bunk.
This is true, but it's not talked about a lot
Women like that,for the most part, aren't proactive and make attempts to talk with people. They tend to be reactive and wait for the guy to come to them; THEN act all creepy and socially desperate when they have an interested man snared in their clutches. ;p
um sorry not the ones I have run into in the game, most of them tend to be overbearing, pushing and entitled they seem to feel like people owe them something. They throw absolute fits when they don't get their way. They also do this thing were to drag you through mental gymnastics in order to justify their bad behavior. They act more like spoiled brats than anything else.
LOL, if this is true, I don't even WANT to know where you find them. Most geekish women I've met tend to be rather shy. I guess I have just been lucky. Then again, I am not exactly the type they would be interested in talking to, lucky me! It must be hard being a man at times. ;-)
And even if they are like that, many geek guys will forgive a LOT to be with a woman who has their interests AND plays games like this. ;p
4 things.
1. I think that most men playing are just looking to fuck. I have to be blunt like that to drive home the point.
2. Men can be victims too. We just aren't vocal about it because no one will believe us. Women are far from pristine, and I've seen guys get torn down by some in the game, these being honest guys who just want to do one thing: Love.
3. Lots of people carry luggage from one relationship to another. Triggers, etc, thinking the person is just like the last.
4. Frankly just using Eternal Bond as an anchor to get someone is a red flag itself as it sets up expectations.
As for not finding anyone - they are out there. Yeah online sites might have duds, but legit people use them, so there's at least somebody right?
I barely touched on in-game dating because..idk, seen these fail too many times and they are a major killer of FCs.
All of those are definitely on point explanations 🤔..
But yes.. it is rare.. it is possible to find someone in game. My cousin played WOW for years. She had plenty of similar experiences as the ladies here😬. Eventually couple of years before crossing over to FF14 she did date a man in WOW. They would meet up under some great tree🤷♂️. Now.. They've been married for 7 years and have 2 daughters. Weirdest part.. he's a truck driver. 🤷♂️So you never now. Unless you try.
I really don’t believe most people are playing this game to find hookups... I am pretty much sure most people are here for the game. Most of those here for the game may also be interested in looking for something else as well. Mostly a social community, but obviously some are hoping to lazily stumble into a relationship while playing a video game.
Well, I am already bonded so I look at this thread just to have a laugh or two.
OMG! I am revisiting this blog to say there is actually a RL female in the marriage forum LOOKING for ERP with a RL male! See men, I TOLD you they exist! LOL
And I am SURE she got pounced on! ;-)
Well sheesh, can you imagine a RL sex worker can lure in some lonely, horny, males get them hooked then bleed them dry of RL money :D. So hell yea real life "women" would start playing this game...there are fortunes to be made lol. My favorite are the "PM for foot pictures" PF lmao.
ON topic, with there being many RL players that suffer from debilitating Mental and Physical challenges. This game offers them a fantasy through their beautiful characters of what life MAY had been would they had been dealt a different fate. For many this game provides an escape to meet others and feel wanted.
So it's expected that they will "catfish" to continue the fantasy, or become very clingy not wanting to lose what they perceived to have. This is not ALL cases, but is a scenario.
Reminds me of Runescape and the "looking to buy gf".
It's not a specifically FF14 thing either. I never could comprehend the logic of those who's coming to MMO *specifically* to search for a partner, and this comes to both men and women.
Such attitude almost never works out IRL, why do you think it'll miraculously work out here? The entire thing is hilarious even in theory - "Oh, a person I know nothing about starting from their home country finishing with their appearance looks for a partner, why not" - c'mon, folks, that's not how it works.
That said, it's of course not impossible to find the love of your whole life in the game. But the chance it'll happen this way (posting with "I look for" comment on forum) is so close to zero that it's almost negative.
Just please, folks, stay real about things and also be safe, because just as you can find a lover, you can find a scammer, which is most likely not what you're looking for. Don't let your loneliness to turn off your critical thinking.
Oh Lolo, that reminds me of playing late at night and seeing all the PF brothel ads show up.
I am serious, there were THREE of them on the Aether party finder advertising ERP fun at their houses! :O
I knew night was the crazy time, but DAMN! ;-)
And speaking about RL money; who here remembers the infamous craigslist ad way back in the day where a woman offered to have sex in exchange for the gold to buy the new flying dragon mount ? It was a LOT of money back then and she got a TAKER! :O
Naur'a, you DO hear of the success stories of online game romance, but I suspect there are FAR more failures out there.
Unrealistic expectations are a thing and even more so in the virtual world where it can be very easy to hide flaws behind text and voice chatting.
When the truth finally rears it's head, people can feel betrayed and disillusioned, especially those who are too sensitive.
You need to be realistic and temper your feelings and excitement when engaging in social encounters.
Wow, 12 likes and 50 posts; I am very pleased with how this one turned out. ;p
I may have to do a sequel to this. I was looking today and man........you just gotta wonder sometimes their thoughts with writing those post ads. ;-)
Just want to pitch in to say that I was there when Eternal Bonding was first implemented, and the free option (the "Promise of Innocence" one) was available from the very start. It was never gated behind RMT.
Regarding that thread, I haven't been on the forum in years, but I recall it was originally intended for people who wanted the quest goodies without any commitment required to each other. I'm flabbergasted to hear what it has degenerated into.
That's very interesting Jet'a, I did not know that.
Some still DO do that, just arrange with someone to get the goods. But yes, many now use it as an actual 'meetup' forum, hoping to meet and date someone in real life.
I know, silly, right? ;-)
"Now I am talking about the men who post on there, ie: real life males who nearly always, (but not ALL of them), ask for....
A. the other person to be a real life female.
B. open to the possibility of a real life relationship if things go well.
C. ERP with said RL female :O (Ok, THIS one not so much, but some DO mention it!) "
I'll go for option D. I just want the loot. I don't care if we ever see each other after the marriage. ;)
